When you’re in a new relationship, everything seems great! You’re carried away by the emotions and great sensations you’re experiencing.
However, if you’ve got your heart set on a long-lasting relationship, you need to be able to step back and look at your partner soberly.
You need to be willing to recognize early indications that this new relationship may not last. Sure, no relationship is perfect.
Some sore points can arise, even at the beginning, but good relationships get stronger over time – so a certain amount of patience and commitment is necessary.
Despite all that, however, you should not ignore the warning signs that all is not well, because if there are obvious problems at the start, things likely won’t get any better in the long-term.
Here are 12 signs to look out for!
1. You Are Guided Primarily By Passion.
If the relationship is dominated ONLY by passionate love or lust, it probably won’t last. Of course, in the beginning we all have that feeling; you want to be with your new partner all the time.
But if you sense that there isn’t much more to the relationship than an obsession to be near each other constantly, or if you don’t really have much else in common, the relationship probably won’t have legs.
Just think: the faster you fall in love, the faster you can fall out of love. hen the relationship’s first rush of passion begins to subside and you come to realize that there is not much else holding you together, it makes little sense to hold onto your partner.
You’ll resent the effort it takes, and your partner will resent the pressure you’re exerting.
2. You Feel Like You Can’t Be Your Genuine Self.
A healthy relationship needs to give you the feeling that it’s Ok to be you! Yes, at the start of a relationship, we tend to be focused on what pleases our partner, and suppress our own possibly less attractive qualities.
But if you are reluctant to be yourself because it may displease your partner – to show the perhaps ‘less-than-perfect’ side of your personality – then the relationship is unlikely to last.
You need to be able to be yourself in a relationship, from the very beginning.
If you feel like you need to conceal part of who you are, it will make you very unhappy. You will eventually betray the qualities you are trying to hide and shock your partner in the process.
You are playing a role you can’t maintain forever, and that’s unfair to both of you.
3. Your Partner Is Not Very Responsive.
‘How much’ or ‘how little’ couples in a relationship communicate with each other differs. Yet communication needs to flow in both directions. It is not a good sign if you feel like your partner is not communicating with you often enough.
If, for example, you are communicating your needs, but you feel like your partner is not communicating theirs, or is not responding to you, it could mean that they do not place enough value on the relationship.
We are talking about a feeling here; there is no standard level of healthy communication.
It’s also important to be patient. With that said, a healthy relationship has to accommodate your needs, not just your partner’s. If you aren’t getting what you need from them, maybe you are just not very well matched. It happens.
4. You Don’t Like Their Friends.
As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. The friends we keep, say a lot about us. It could, therefore, be a bad sign if you don’t like your partner’s friends.
We all choose our friends – and we often choose friends because we have something in common with them.
So, if you just can’t cozy up to your partner’s friends, it is only logical to suspect that he or she might share some traits that you don’t like.
5. All Your Interests Become Their Interests.
It is important in any relationship for both partners to retain some independence and maintain their own sense of self.
It is not only OK; it is essential that both have their own unique interests. If your partner seems to be adopting all your interests, it could indicate that they are making their happiness and ‘sense of self’ too dependent on you.
This could end up putting you under a lot of pressure.
Sure, it’s OK for either of you to make an effort to like some of each other’s interests. Ladies, it’s great if you can share his love of sports. Guys, it’s OK to discover an interest in dancing.
But if your partner is giving up their interests for your sake, you may begin to wonder what their motives really are. You may even get bored if you end up spending too much time with them!
6. Your Partner Doesn’t Seem To Value Your Opinion.
Mutual respect is vital for any long-term relationship to thrive.
You may not always agree with each other – but if you value each other as individuals, you must show respect for each other’s perspectives. A good partner is willing to reconsider their own opinion when you’ve expressed yours.
If you get the feeling that your partner thinks that they’re always right, it does not bode well for your relationship.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s OK to be considerate – and you should be.
It’s fine to let your partner choose the movie, or where to go out. People in love like to do favors for each other and show consideration. It’s all part of a giving relationship.
But if your partner is constantly making all the decisions, dominating discussions and trying to impose their opinions on you, it can reveal an essential lack of respect for you.
7. You Can Deal with Their Faults, But They Won’t Tolerate Yours.
Over time you come to realize that your partner is not perfect. Your partner is a real person, including their particular faults or things that just seem to rub you the wrong way. And of course, it’s the same vice versa.
If your partner has no trouble criticizing your little quirks but expects you to just deal with theirs, it’s a sign of disrespect and an inability to adapt to your needs.
This is not a good basis for a healthy and happy relationship. Neither of you is perfect. The willingness to accept each other’s imperfections is a real sign of love and respect.
A partner who is incapable of this, is not right for you.
8. You Argue All The Time.
There are always going to be conflicts in a relationship. After all, couples are composed of individuals, each with their own take on things. It’s not fun, but expressing disagreement is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Now, if you’re fighting with each other right from the beginning, it’s a bad sign! Constant disagreement is emotionally draining and places a lot of pressure on both partners.
If this is happening to you, then you and your partner are probably not all that compatible.
If you two can’t get along with each other for more than a day or two without having a serious argument, you need to consider just how long that relationship is likely to last!
9. There’s A Lack Of Trust.
One thing that most people value in a relationship is trust. A lack of trust is one of the most common reasons for break-ups.
If you don’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you, the relationship is pretty much doomed.
People who love, value and respect each other, are able to be honest with each other – even when it could lead to uncomfortable situations.
10. They Seem To Be Keeping You A Secret.
You can’t force anyone to fit your ideal of a perfect partner, nor can you compel anyone to a relationship with you, if that’s not what they want.
Does your partner prefer to stay home when you could go out together? Are they hiding friends and acquaintances from you?
Does it seem like they don’t want others to know about your relationship? These are signs that your partner is not willing to commit to you.
If your partner wants you to be part of their life, they should be willing to show that commitment to others as well. If it’s been a while, and you’re still trying to figure out where you stand, it’s probably not a good sign…
11. It’s Bad Timing.
Sometimes, the timing just isn’t right. It could be a significant age difference. Despite real affection and respect, an age difference of 30 is probably pushing it. Or maybe it’s not the age difference as much as the different stages of life you and your partner are in.
Suppose you are well into your career and want children, while he or she is still unsure of what they want to do with their lives. Your expectations and priorities are just not compatible.
You and your partner may be able to get past such timing issues – if it’s a temporary situation. But if things aren’t going to clear up in the foreseeable future, the relationship won’t last.
12. You’re Just An Option.
If you are with someone until “someone better” comes along, you are not being very fair. Your partner will probably sense that. Of course, the same thing might be true of your partner.
There could be a number of reasons for this behavior. It could be the timing, as I already mentioned. Or they just don’t want to be alone, and you’re “better than nothing”.
Or perhaps they are not sure about you yet. You have a right to feel like you’re a priority.
At some point, they need to commit. If they won’t, why waste your time?
When all is said and done, you have to figure out what you are willing to accept, and what you just won’t put up with in a relationship.
If you have a clear idea of ‘what you really want’ and ‘what you don’t want’; and if you can be aware of the warning signs that a relationship is not going in the direction it needs to go; you will also know when you’ve found the right person to share your life with.
And it’s perfectly OK if you have to end a few relationships along the way.